As far as I’m aware, I really haven’t had that first love yet. Plenty of great likes, sure, and even a few good heartbreaks, but never that can’t live without you, you are the music in me love. Something so big, your world is forever changed because of it, and no matter what happens you know you’ll never be the same.
Except now, with less than a week left in this place I’ve called home for five years, I think I finally may have done it. It wasn’t easy, or pretty and perfect and wrapped up in a bow, but they say the best ones never are. At first, I honestly hated it. It was cold and I knew no one and the whole thing seemed like such a long shot to begin with, I was ready to just give up.
But somehow we made it. Every day it won me over a little more. We made memories together. It made me dinner. Bought me drinks. Showed me how to have a good time. Took me shopping, hiking, skiing and adventuring all over New England. It constantly encouraged me to push myself. Become the best that I can be. Caught me when I fell (and trust me, I fell a lot). Gave me the strength and opportunities I needed to become the person I always wanted to be.
It tried really hard to push me away. A record 108.6 inches of snow and near death experience and we still made it through.
The hardest part of moving is hands down the people I’m leaving behind. To be fair, some of them have already left without me, out making new pockets of the world their own with what this city taught them. But others are still here, adventuring ever forward in this labrynth of memories we’ve created. They’re amazing, and this place is amazing, but what my life needs most right now is the next big thing. I need to begin to do what I’m meant to do, and as far as I can tell Napa seems to be the best place to go to do it.
And although it’s hard, I know deep down I will love again. It will take time, and effort, but wherever I go I will build a new life for myself and create something worthwhile.
I will also forever love this city because it gave me the one thing I was missing most: perspective. While I liked California and loved who it helped me become, it wasn’t until I realized what it was like to live somewhere else I truly appreciated it. In some ways, this move is my way of saying, “It’s you, it was always you.” And it’s true. But I never would have realized it had I not had the chance to see how the other half lives.
So thank you, New England. You are beyond incredible and my life wouldn’t have been the same without you. I’ll miss you forever, think of you always, as long as I’m living my first love you’ll be.